Sunday, September 12, 2010

N.E.R.D. Rage: An Expose

First off a definition from
Opinion: a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.

Second: This is my opinion and as such, my opinion is subject to change at any point and time of my choosing. Really this is just me snapping off about stupid stuff and has no actual bearing on who or what I am. Hope you enjoy the read and maybe get a chuckle or two out of it.

N.E.R.D. Rage: Never Ending Ridiculous Disputes

Usually Nerd Rage is some child or adult venting their frustration over a video game that is vexing them, according to the Urban Dictionary (credible source, I know).

I would even go so far as to expand Nerd Rage into a much broader category. No longer is it just limited to video games but I feel that it also to encompass all aspects of nerd-dom. To include, but not limited to: Pencil’n’Paper RPGs, Table Top War-games, Board games, Movies, CCG/TCG, and of course Video Games.

There also needs to be some sub-categories of Nerd Rage called:
1) Butt-Hurt Rage
2) Wish-I-Could-Move-Out-of-My-Parent’s-House-and-Get-Laid Rage
3) All-I-Think-About-All-Day-is-RPG Rage
4) I-Play-With-Little-Metal-Army-Men-on-an-Imaginary-Battlefield Rage
5) My-Naruto-Ninja-Shadow-Jutowhichimically-thing-will-kick-the-crap-out-of-your-Naruto-Ninja-Shadow-Jutowhichimically-thing Rage.

Mainly though it comes down to a bunch of nerds getting pissed off at each other because of some stupid game (and I will stress the word ‘game’ here folks). It could be as simple as a rules dispute or bringing the wrong figures or even just the fact that someone else is playing a game and you are not. Again anyway you look at it, Nerd Rage is nothing more than whining by a bunch of bitchy ass little kids and adults who have nothing better to do than waste their time and money on toys…and before anyone decides to call me a hypocrite, I am one of those bitchy ass adults who does indeed waste my time and money on stupid little metal/plastic army men, not to mention the hordes of Pencil’n’Paper RPG books that I have…some days I seriously wonder if maybe I spent all my money on the wrong stuff. Beer, Drugs and Hookers do look awfully tempting now that I think about it.

Yeah I have had those Never Ending Ridiculous Disputes about why my army will trash your army and how I have spent tens of billions of agonizing hours building an army list that then gets crushed in 2.3 seconds flat by some 6’ 2” beat-stick playing piece of ass (yeah you know who you are)…do I get upset and suffer from a small bout of Butt-Hurt Rage?

You bet your ass I do…but I think the difference is, I may complain on occasion but I don’t internalize it or take it home with me (well I try not too at any rate, some days I succeed better than others, but I am human and fallible after all). Generally I go spend another ten billion hours trying to come up with a counter to what crushed me in 2.3 seconds and hey, if I last 3.5 seconds next time before I get my poop packed in by a better list, then it is a moral victory for me and on top of that I have a good time, even when I lose.

It boggles the mind that some folks take something that is imaginary and make it so real that they live and breathe a game. I have tried to have normal conversations with these people and inevitably the conversation is railroaded and detoured back to a talking about a game…seriously talking to these people is like ramming your face into a brick wall about 100 times and then having Timmy from down the street kick you in the junk from behind at the same time while your leg is being chewed on by a rabid Chihuahua.

OR when people get so upset that you misquoted some god-awful obscure rule that you are fairly certain they pulled it out of their ass type thing and then they have the gall to call you a cheater and refuse to play you any more even though you have seen them use this same rule to their advantage 150 billion times before against some noob.


Am I prone to the occasional moment of temporarily induced insanity of the same kind I just mentioned? Yup, sure am…but I will point out the ‘occasional’ and ‘temporarily induced’ part because I don’t live breathe, and eat the game. Everyone is prone to having those occasional bouts…for some people it is just one long continuous bout.

Gaming is just a ‘cute’ hobby for some of us. It is kind of like owning a puppy, only a puppy is a living creature and needs constant attention and you have to clean up the poo piles in the back yard and pay the vet bills...okay so maybe it isn’t like owning a puppy but still adults playing games is cute (like a puppy! HA!!)

N.E.R.D. Rage…not so cute.

Rather damned annoying actually. I can think of at least 3 unique instances in which N.E.R.D. Rage has caused some form of friction between people in a game store that are playing… GAMES!!!!! And by friction I mean stupid shit that directly affects me in some way, shape, or form.

I mean, it is not like Snuffy the Fire Breathing Unicorn is REAL!!! Reality equals bills and work and crying children and responsibility. Snuffy is a fictional piece of crap card or figure or character (I’ll let you pick your poison on this one) that only does something almost important when you play a game!

Hell I’ll admit that I play the grown-up version of Army Men. I’ll even admit that when I am around my fellow Nerds, my Nerd-dom knows no bounds but when I leave the game store and check myself back into reality I remember that I am just playing a game and maybe next time I’ll spend my money on stuff that matters…you know, like beer, drugs, and hookers.


  1. i think a positive reality check is an important part of balancing real life (especially with children) and an active gaming life.

    +1 internet points

  2. I agree 100%. I enjoy my nights out playing games with the guys but ultimatly the best part of my day/week/month/year is when that reality check hits like a ton of bricks as my two children plow into me and want to go play.